Finally
by Za Metallium
Summary: "The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing."


Finally

**Finally**   
by [Elizabeth][1], Trickster Priestess 

Maybe this fic comes after _[Would Not Come][2]_...maybe things don't end so happily (see _Endless Night_). 

  


"Planning to get drunk?" Zel walked up behind Lina and snatched the bottle she'd mindlessly been holding as she ruminated. 

Oh bloody hell. Lina had forgotten _he_ had the next watch. Great. Perfect. And he just sneaked up behind her, and she didn't notice a thing till he spoke. Very impressive, Miss Independance. Great proof of how you don't need anyone. 

"So?" She winced internally; she sounded much more defensive than she should. 

"So, if you want to get drunk, use the good stuff. I have some sake with my things. You can heat it up over the fire and be drunk in no time." 

That was _not_ the response she'd expected. "Um...thanks?" 

"Care to talk?" Zel asked bluntly, dropping down to sit next to her on the ground. 

He couldn't have noticed how she felt. He couldn't have. She was skilled at hiding the dispair, at smiling when she felt near tears, at acting cheery when she was seeing the world in colourless shades of dull grey. 

"'Bout what?" Much better, she sounded normal that time. 

Zel gave her a "you-know-what" look, and replied, "You. Something's wrong. It's been wrong for a while, hasn't it?" 

"....." Great. She was speechless. 

Had he spoken to her in this tone before, this soft, concerned, gentle tone? "I wasn't sure. You seem to be happy enough most of the time. I caught glimpses, when you must've thought no one was looking. It's been happening more often lately. I know something's wrong, I just don't know what. Will you tell me?" 

Dear gods, what was she to do? He'd found her out! She glanced nervously at the sleeping Gourry and Amelia. Did they know, too? 

"I don't think they know," he commented in that same wonderful, gods-cursed tone. "Please, Lina. Talk to me." 

She stared at him a long while. Damn him and his sweet voice and gentle eyes. Damn him for always being in her thoughts, for slowly becoming the reason she woke up in the morning. _Damn him_. 

"All right," she finally said, her voice so low that had Zel not had the enhanced hearing of his Chimeric form, he couldn't have heard her. "You're right. I'm not as happy as I seem to be. What of it?" 

"I...I'm worried," he admitted. "What is it that makes your eyes cloud over with dispair?" 

He was really poetic when he wanted to be, wasn't he? Lina answered honestly, "Everything." 

Zel blinked. "Everything?" he echoed. 

She shrugged. "Yeah. I..." Hell, she had started, why not go for a full confession? "I've been searching as long as I can remember for happiness and peace." Tears? Oh no, not now. It was hard enough without her heart in her throat. She closed her eyes and continued, "I haven't found it." 

There was a moment of tense silence as Lina fought her tears. She started when she felt Zel embrace her. Shocked, her eyes opened wide. 

The tenderness and empathy she saw in his eyes made her loose her battle with the tears. Zel's image fuzzed before her, obscured by a veil of tears. 

"Why didn't you tell someone, Lina? Why didn't you tell _us_?" She heard the "why didn't you tell _me_?" even though he refrained from saying it aloud. 

She sniffled and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. Her vision cleared and she looked at his concerned face. 

"I created 'Lina Inverse' because I thought that being that person would make me happy. It didn't...but I couldn't very well drop this persona. Lina Inverse is happy and carefree. I am Lina Inverse, so I have to seem that way." 

"I—we're your friends, Lina. You can be yourself with us. I don't care about images. You don't have to pretend with me." 

She wondered distantly if he knew he shifted from plural to singular. This confessing was getting to her; she was reading things that simply could not be there. This was _him,_ after all, and she knew he'd never return her feelings. He was hugging her because she needed comfort. He switched to singular to make his words more effective. That was all. 

"I don't want them to know," she said, nodding at their sleeping companions. "I didn't want anyone to know." 

"I'm not sorry I found out," he told her quietly. "I wish I'd realised sooner." 

"How did you notice, anyway?" She may've been a little sloppy lately, but still, how could he have found her out? He'd have to have been watching her constantly to notice, and he certainly couldn't have been... 

"I watched you. I always watch you all the time, when I think you won't notice." 

Oh. What could she say to that? "Oh." 

He still had his arms around her. This was so wonderful, being with _him_, in his arms, with _him_ totally focused on her. 

Oh gods. What was this? This feeling...? 

L-sama had a sick sense of humour. Lina had found her peace and happiness, in _his_ arms. And she would never have this bliss again. 

"Lina?" Zel called her back to reality. 

"Oh. Sorry." 

"Do you know how much we care about you?" he asked, pausing slightly before the "we." 

"I...I guess. I know I do care for you." _Him_ especially. 

He moved one arm, pulling away slightly. 

The tears again brimmed, and Lina let herself be weak, just this once. She wept years worth of tears in the space of a few moments, tears for the frustration and longing and emptiness, tears for finally finding what she'd been seeking, and learning it was something she could never have. 

As the sobs subsided, Lina realised Zel was murmuring softly, calling her name, and that he'd pulled her closer, so close she was half-way in his lap. 

"Lina, shh, I'm here, we'll find a way to make things better, I swear this to you..." 

Better? She let out a bitter sob. Things would never, could never get better. 

"Oh Lina, my love, please, stop crying, I'll find a way to make it better," he whispered as he started to rock her slightly. 

He did not just say that. _He_ could not really love her back, could he? She looked up at him, searching his face. 

He...he loved her. It was right there, written in his every feature. 

"You...love me, too?" she finally said in a tiny voice rough from crying. 

Zel cupped her chin in his hand. "With all my heart and soul, with everything that I am." 

There was that poetic stuff again. Dear gods, he was phenomenal. "You...I...gods, Zel, I love you!" she managed. At some point she must've put her arms around him, because she noticed they were there now. She hugged him tighter and felt herself smile, really smile. 

He returned the smile, his gentle, loving look making Lina's heart do acrobatics. "I will find a way to make you happy," he informed her seriously. 

Lina sighed with contentment. What she'd been missing all her life! this joyous peace, this contentment and love. It was hers now, finally hers. Her smile widened as she informed him, "You already have made me happy."   
  


–end–

   [1]: mailto:ZaMetallium@aol.com
   [2]: http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&storyid=418302



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